A Wall

I've hit a wall
my first since heart surgery
I cannot get past 9.5 miles
it is hard to imagine at this point ever getting to marathon level
This wall is all shiny and new
it is not the wall I'm used to
my previous wall was the cardio wall
the one where my heart and lungs said, "Hell no you aren't running any further!"
Nope, my new bionic pig heart hasn't found that wall yet
this wall is the leg muscle/mind wall
my leg muscles, not my heart
as in, I think if I could mind over matter this wall I would be fine but on two attempts I've failed

And in the scope of long running
I have to wait in order to retry
last year, my cardio wall was sort of easy to deal with
if I didn't complete a run the way I wanted I'd try a day later
but when in training for something like this
something that takes months of training
you don't get a redo
you wait until your next long run
a week later
and you try again
there is no room for this wall in my training plan
none at all
I am behind
I should be at 11 miles
I am at 9.5
my confidence is shaken to say the least
but on Sunday, I am going to grind it out
I
will
do it